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May 2002

What if I want him to remain?
Jn 21:22

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After visiting Manila for a few days, I took Philippine Airlines flight PR 730 to Bangkok on Friday, the 26^th of April. On the evening of the same day, I was scheduled to fly to Phnom Penh, with Jean and Jon, for our second pastoral visit as CFC country coordinators for Cambodia. It was a quarter before ten in the morning when the pilot announced that we were about to land at Bangkok international airport. I was glad we were on schedule because I needed some time to prepare for the tongues workshop that I would be conducting in Phnom Penh that evening.

It was a quiet and uneventful flight from Manila. During the flight I was reading The Last Four Things: Death, Judgement, Hell, Heaven, a book written by Fr. Martin von Cochem in 1899. I had read the book some years back, but it was on my table in our bedroom in Manila and so I took it with me. The book focuses on God’s justice. It tells about the terrors of death, the assaults of Satan and the apparition of the spirits of darkness at the hour of death, and the fear and horrors of hell and judgement. 

The plane was descending normally and was about to land, when suddenly it pulled back and ascended steeply. We remained on the air, flying in a circular pattern. After a while, I saw over a dozen passengers from the front seats being led to the rear of the plane. As they passed by, I thought that there must be something seriously wrong. But there was no announcement. We had been circling for over half an hour when the pilot announced that the control panel was indicating that the landing gears would not come down. He requested all to make sure that their seat belts were fastened and to prepare for a very rough landing. After nearly an hour had elapsed, the pilot announced that we would be landing, not certain whether the landing gears were up or down. As we descended, a recording started announcing repeatedly, “Emergency, keep heads low! Emergency, keep heads low! Emergency, keep heads low!” We all ducked with our heads close to our knees as shown in the emergency instructions.

As soon as the plane landed, the pilot put on the reverse thrusts to stop the plane as soon as possible. As soon as we stopped, he announced that we would have to wait to be towed because he had cut off the engines fearing that one might have caught fire. We sat on the middle of the runway for another half an hour before the plane was towed. I saw fire trucks came by our plane. But we were safe. The landing gears were down after all! The indicator lights were wrong.

My brothers and sisters, during the entire time that we were circling over the airport, I was continuously praising the Lord, and praying in tongues. I actually remained calm and felt no fear at all. I did not know how or why. But somehow I felt certain that I would survive even if there was a terrible crash. It was as if God had assured me that my time was not yet up because there was still much to do. In fact, I even had a half smile very briefly when the thought came to me that God must really have a good sense of humor. For why would He allow me to read the book of Fr. Martin knowing fully what I would be going through? I felt that God was teasing me a bit, like a loving Father to a son.

With the plane very much delayed, I did not have time to rest. I just had time to review the tongues workshop manual and prepare my things for the mission to Cambodia. Later, Jean told me that she thought I might postpone the mission to Phnom Penh for a day so that I would not have to fly again that same day. But the thought never even entered my mind!

There was a heavy thunderstorm as we rode the taxi to the airport to catch our flight to Phnom Penh. Knowing that we will be taking a small plane, our son, Jon, remarked, “I think it will not be safe. It is raining hard and we are taking a small plane.” But the rain stopped. And we arrived in Phnom Penh safely. From the airport, we proceeded directly to the home of Ed and Marichu where the participants of the tongues workshop were already waiting. We dropped our bags on the kitchen floor and proceeded to greet the participants waiting in the living room. After a song and a short opening prayer, I delivered the talk on the gift of tongues and conducted the workshop.

I shared with them my experience earlier that morning – that I was continuously praising the Lord and praying in tongues during the entire emergency. And the Lord answered my prayers because the angels were praying with me! This was what praying in tongues meant! This was why it was important for them to desire to receive the gift of tongues. When one prays in tongues, one prays in spirit and talks directly to God. Praying in tongues removes fear! Praying in tongues brings the kind of peace and courage, which can come only from God! Praying in tongues keeps one linked up to God. That evening, we had a truly Spirit-filled workshop on praying in tongues.

The following day, Saturday, Jean and I gave the teaching on Living as a People of God. Then on Sunday afternoon, I delivered Talk 9 to over thirty CLP participants. After everyone was prayed over, I gave the exhortation and the mini-talk on vocal prayer and led the full charismatic worship. The worship was full of life and spirit with everyone praising and singing enthusiastically, clapping and raising hands, and dancing with abandon. Even the Khmers! After dancing to the tune of You Shall be Clothed With Power, we closed the worship with the final Glory Be and rushed to the airport. We had our bags packed earlier. We were perspiring profusely and still breathing heavily when we boarded the car that would bring us to the airport. We arrived home in Bangkok about an hour before midnight. And we had to be up early the following day. Jon had a class, I had to go to work, and Jean had to prepare breakfast.

My brothers and sisters, later, as I reflected on all that had happened, what came to my mind was the scene at the end of the Gospel of John about Jesus, Peter and the beloved disciple: Peter turned and saw the disciple following whom Jesus loved …. When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus said to him, “What if I want him to remain until I come? What concern is it of yours? You follow me.” (Jn 21:20-22).

In this scene, Jesus wants to make it clear to Peter that it is He who decides. He gives life and takes it away. He tells Peter, “You follow me.” You follow me to the cross. You shall die a martyr’s death. And of the beloved disciple, Jesus says, “What if I want him to remain until I come? What concern is it of yours?” I want John to remain longer here on earth. It is my decision. It is no concern of yours. Jesus wants Peter to understand that He, and He alone, is in control.

My brothers and sisters, Jesus is telling us the same thing. And if He is in control, then there should be no reason to fear death. If He wants us to live long like the beloved disciple, then we will. If He wants us to follow Him and join Him now in heaven, then what a blessing! What a grace! Therefore, we ought to pray that God would look kindly at us, so that by His great mercy and love, we would receive the grace of repentance before we die. For we are saved only by His grace!

Therefore, like the psalmist, we should pray: Lord, let me know when my end will come, let me know the number of my days; show me how frail and fleeting is my life. You allow me to live but a short span; before you, all my years are nothing. Human existence is a mere whiff of breath, everyone is a mere shadow that goes about on earth (Ps 39:5-7). Search me then, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts. See if my steps have gone astray, and lead me in your eternal way (Ps 139:23-24). Amen.